2015-07-25 00:00:29
Hard effort.
Had a nap until 1900 approx and then back to work.
Have made some progress.
Stopped a half hour ago due to headache.
Almost exactly 4 hours from restart of activity.
2015-07-25 01:02:24
Have pain in left shoulder upper arm area. No known reason for this. Not as sharp as January pain.
2015-07-25 19:02:24
Slept through until past noon. Then back to work on submission. Headache onset after approx 4.5 hrs.
2015-07-25 21:43:12
Slept from 1900 until 2130.
Very hard to push myself back to the completion of this project. It is like the entire weight of the world is above me and I need to rise up against it, lifting it all above me when I have no wish to undergo the effort.
Keep telling self that I am very close to completion. But that is the same as the claim you are ten feet from the summit of Everest. Those ten feet may represent a distance that it will take a lifetime to cross.
2015-07-26 03:54:40
Hard to believe that it is tomorrow and that I am still working on this submission. I am getting to the point that I want to just fire it off regardless of its state of completion.
2015-07-26 15:52:09
I am truly bad with time.
I go in search of a file that I worked on “yesterday” and, when I finally locate it, I determine that the file was last accessed more than two weeks ago.
My belief is that this is due to [ unfinished entry — forgot what I was attempting to say ]
There is no sense of victory, or achievement, or accomplishment, in any of these current tasks. There is only a sense of struggle. This sense of struggle is reminiscent of what I experienced writing the insurance appeal at the tail end of 2012. I wake up. I force myself to return to the work as much as I loathe it, and the endless difficulties and obstacles it presents.
As I work, I make endless errors. I cannot believe the constant error. It is as though one half of me is working to frustrate the endeavours of the other half. I have less of an urge to throw something. The 5-2-5 mindfulness technique appears to have value.
2015-07-26 18:43:17
Have come to the conclusion that I should discard most of the work to date and simply resubmit the project.
The present task is a complaint being prepared for submission to a professional licensing body. I made the initial submission on April 28th, 2015. Still working on the same submission. It has been a huge amount of work dealing with all of the details contained in this matter. It has been similar to working a jig-saw puzzle. You find a piece with tab A that should fit into adjoining space B. Then, as you work, you discover that there is a missing piece. Then you realize that the jig-saw is not an image of London Bridge but is instead an image of Stonehenge. What then do you do?
My hunch is that the best course of action would be to discard everything to do with London Bridge. Purge it from the document. Then start fresh with a new document which maintains a razor sharp focus on Stonehenge.
Razor sharp focus. Me? Ha.