Today was a steam bath flooded with rain. On the walk in to see Dr D, the heavens opened and the deluge commenced, the streets being painted white by the force of the down burst. I arrived at her office soaking wet. All I can now remember is the sudden rush of water, the heat of the day, and laughing with Dr. D.
Laughter is the best medicine. I am still buoyed by our interchange. Will add more as it comes to mind but need now to attend to lunch.
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1440 – Hot soup after changing out of clammy wet clothes does wonders for the spirit. But nothing for the memory. On the way home, I remember thinking that today was the first time in several years that I have laughed.
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1920 – The one item I clearly remember was my asking if the brain utilized different circuits for the process of reading and the process of writing. My reason for this query has to do with my observation that I appear to be able to write for a longer period without triggering fatigue than I can read. The effort required to write varies between slow and methodical, and a sudden flash outpouring of text (this sudden outpouring occurs infrequently but, when it does occur, the quality of writing tends to be higher than average. I remember preparing an insurance claim submission after waking at 0400. Somehow the words just flew out of me at a pace faster than I was able to keyboard. I completed an entire section of the submission in one morning sitting. I have not been able to achieve that effortless performance since that day but there have been other, similar, stream of consciousness moments). But I have the sense that I do not experience fatigue as quickly when writing as when reading.
When I located the posts addressing the Review of September 2012 Inventory I attempted to read through all of them but found this both difficult and tiring. I felt the onset of fatigue and went for a short nap to forestall the onset of a headache. These events took place in the morning hours when I normally feel fresh and can typically work until noon, or 1300, before the onset of fatigue. In this instance, I experienced fatigue by 0900 and went for a short nap of just under an hour. As with all of my fatigue naps, I laid down, was asleep within seconds, and awoke spontaneously, fully refreshed, after 45 minutes.
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2041 – I learned something else from Dr D today. This information may help validate some of the concepts associated with the TBI Proposal.
I have observed that when I feel a depressive event commencing that my impulse is to retreat into writing. Dr D described this as journalling and advised this activity is common to people with head injuries. My sense is that when I engage in writing I am somehow able to pacify myself.
When I spoke with Dr D about this she explained that the brain centre that controls writing is located in the fore brain / forehead area (cannot remember her exact words), and the part of the brain that controls emotion and depression is located deeper within the brain centre.
So there are two different sets of circuits involved (I just realized I may be confusing two queries. The first query had to do with the possibility of different brain circuits responsible for the acts of reading and writing. I believe the answer to that is yes.
The second query had to do with the possibility that my sense of “pacification” via the act of writing is not incorrect but does occur and is also observed in persons with a brain injury.
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2141 – I should have taken notes. I failed to take notes as I forgot both my red notebook and my phone at home. This has a positive outcome as everything in my courier bag was completely soaked through, including a chequebook which has been reduced to a mass of wet pulp.
I realize that I have a variety of means for taking notes:
- The Red Notebook. This is actually intended for watercolours. I started using it after the injury when I needed something in which to record Doctor visits and make notes to myself. Since it is red it is hard to loose. It also has an internal pocket to store the business cards of my doctors and the tracking slips for submissions to the insurance company and Québec Santé.
- The Facticity blog. It functions as a formal journal. It forces me into coherent thought. I found some writing I had done in the immediately aftermath of the accident. I could not read it. It was sort of a babble. The fact of a “public” venue forces me to clean up my act and ensures I deliver a reasonably high quality of text.
- The Accident Log. This is a computer file dedicated to all things accident. It was started on 2012-06-28 and now contains 14,432 lines of text, or 156,750 words. This file resides in my programming editor which contains a great many useful tools (such as line numbering, macros, date and time stamps, templates and bookmarks). Each Accident Log entry has a date stamp so that I may record my progress. I have also commenced using a time stamp to record intervals between events.
- Associated files. Within the editor I presently have 36 open files and 20 of those are in some way associated with the logging of specific actions, or data. One file is my task list which contains all my scheduled events, doctor appointments, and things to do lists. Another log is devoted to the administration of my computer hardware so that if something goes wrong I can see my last change and unfix it. A third file contains a list of all computer files I create listed by month. This greatly facilitates finding information. With physical information I experience great difficulty locating items. On the computer I have created the means to track all of my own activity. I also have available a number of search tools which permit me to search for file names. or for specific keywords within any file on the machine.
This sounds like OCD overkill. Perhaps it is. But I have found it very necessary to keep track of all that I do, and all that I must do. I did not have this level of dependence on the computer prior to the accident.
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2207 – I am going to need to stop writing. I normally do not write this late and I can feel the beginning of a headache.
I have been performing two experiments.
Experiment one was an attempt to determine if it were possible to “write to recall.” I I were to write about the day’s events would that trigger further recall of the day’s events? My sense of this is no.
Experiment two was an attempt to determine the speed at which I can compose text. I have been searching for a reliable metric that I may utilize to verify if I am improving or not. The ease with which I am able to create text would appear to offer an opportunity to time stamp my work, calculate the word count per hour (or some similar metric) and then be able to contrast two sets of measurements separated by some standard interval. This may provide a reliable measure of brain function.