I found a research paper on the web which deals with the construction of self narrative as a coping strategy for traumatic brain injury. The paper serves to explain something of what I have been going through lately. A PDF of the paper may be downloaded from the following URL: Reconstructing self-narratives in coping with traumatic brain injury. Social Science & Medicine 51 (2000) 1795-1804
The author interviewed a sample set of individuals with traumatic brain injury. He found each had developed a specific self-narrative to assist in coping with their changed self-images, and altered life events. This is the difficulty I presently experience. My dominant self-image dates from before the accident. I constantly exert myself in an effort to reacquire, or re-actualize, that original self. When this attempt fails, or this prior self-image proves incongruent with my present day experience, the immediate result is a collapse of the psychic self which results in a major depressive event.
To recover from this, I must work very hard. I fight to regain my prior capacities, my former place in the world, but this renewed attempt once again founders because of my cognitive deficits. In consequence, I commence another down cycle. As described in the paper:
Many individuals with acquired disabilities, in fact, confront new lives that seem to have lost something believed to have been meaningful for them up to the time of their disabling experience. Because of the sense of loss, individuals can altogether experience serious stress that threatens their psychological equilibrium and well-being.
The paper describes five different self narrative constructs:
Self Narrative 1 – The Self Better Than Others
The individual contrasts their acquired disability with that of persons who suffer from even greater disabilities. In my own case I should be glad as, while I have a number of deficits, I am not in a comatose, or vegetative state. I can still function and I believe I have the potential to improve.
Self Narrative 2 – The Grown Self
The individual’s TBI experience contributes something to the victim’s life that they did not have, or were unlikely to have gained, before the injury. In my own case, I have gained insight into early childhood trauma. It is unlikely that I would have had this insight into my compensation and coping mechanisms if I had not suffered the injury.
This perspective includes obtaining insight into other peoples problems, and acting to assist them. I also exhibit this trait. I have devoted a great deal of time toward the development of a proposed organization intended to benefit TBI victims and assist them to re-integrate with society. See TBI Proposal.
Self Narrative 3 – The Recovering Self
This construct involves presentation of the self as being on the way to recovery of the prior self, the self as it existed before the injury. I make use of this narrative. I exert significant effort in the belief that such effort will assist me in recovery. But, when I encounter a true perception of my current state, I experience cognitive dissonance due to the extreme disconnect between my narrative of a recovering self, and the actual facts.
Self Narrative 4 – The Self Living Here And Now
This focuses on the immediacy of present day lived experience — Carpe Diem. Some of my better posts derive from this attitude and from appreciating the delights of being alive and listening to the spring rain as it works to wash away the last vestigial elements of the night. My poor conception of time also serves to support this narrative. I seem to live in an extended present and do not have a good measure of the passage of time.
Self Narrative 5 – The Protesting Self
In this construct the individual works to alter the prevailing social environment encountered by TBI victims. I am uncomfortable with the use of “Protesting” in the description of this coping mechanism. I do not see protest as achieving much beyond increased conflict and social friction. Far better to identify a positive form of change and then lead the attempt to introduce that change as opposed to simply protesting existing conditions.
I need to read through the paper again. I find I have a delayed comprehension of events. For over a week now I have been trying to come to grips with an outstanding complaint. Earlier today, I realized the suggested option works to protect the interests of one party but fails to address the needs of an extremely vulnerable population. It took more than a week for me to understand my hesitation on this issue. I suspect it will require an equivalent period of time to fully absorb this research on self narrative as a coping strategy.