I notice I am prone to devoting time to psychic hygiene tasks. These are largely irrelevant undertakings. They require very little thought and exist on the very margin of necessity. I have just spent over an hour doing these pick-up tasks.

I do them because they are thoughtless, and contain little cognitive demand. The tasks function as a type of finger painting by the mind. I do these actions, and I achieve very little, but each action somehow helps anchor me in my world, provides some element of idle self-confirmation, the equivalent of a teen age girl absentmindedly stroking her hair.

Saw Dr H today and brought her flowers. My work of the past few weeks has brought some very unwelcome discoveries. I saw a doctor in 2013 who has acted in ways highly damaging toward me. I can see no excuse for his conduct. It is unforgivable that a person holding a position of responsibility toward others should act as he has done.

If he has acted in this unprofessional way toward me, then it is likely he has acted in a similar way toward others suffering from brain injury. When I became aware of his actions, and the malign blackness he has painted across my world, I felt myself sliding into another pit of despair. To avoid the despair, I flipped the binoculars around and thought of how much I owe to Dr. D and Dr. H, two individuals who have been very generous toward me, and have rendered me tremendous assistance. I choose to celebrate their generosity of spirit, and to use it to temper the negativity occasioned by Doctor X.

It has taken me two and a half years to become aware of what Doctor X has done. His actions were only discovered by a fluke of happenstance. If it had not been for this random whim of discovery, I would never have learned of his secret poison. I would have been left struggling in the attempt to right the wrong he created but I would have been unaware of his action as the root cause of my difficulties.

Doctor X did what he did because he inhabits a social structure that permits him to act as he did. He made a calculated decision that he could lie and escape with the lie undiscovered. Like robbing a bank. In the perfect crime, the bank remains unaware that it has suffered a loss. The thief enjoys the outcome of his activity. The bank cannot fathom the reason it struggles to make its errant books balance.

The doctor’s situation is the same as that found in the Canadian Senate. A significant number of Senators are alleged to have “cooked the books” in their favour. They have been found out, and reviled. Were they bad people? I suspect not. I suspect that similar fiscal shenanigans have been going on for decades. They were a fundamental aspect of the working environment, the fact of inhabiting a position of power and privilege in which no Senator’s actions were ever brought under scrutiny. An environment in which individual participation in the corruption occurs as the corrupt activity is viewed as a prerogative, a perk derived from the power of the position, the ability to practice secret deceit.

Changing out the old Senators for new ones will achieve very little. The problem is the structure they inhabit, the degree of autonomy, the lack of true oversight, the absence of transparency.

I believe the situation with the Doctor X is exactly the same. He lied. He lied not because he is a liar but because he inhabits a structure that welcomes the lie, that permits it, allows it, acts to engender it, turns a blind eye to it. Each person within the structure gains power by turning a blind eye to any infraction.

My issue with Doctor X is one that has impact on all citizens of Québec. It certainly will have impact on persons with brain injury unable to advocate for themselves, persons who lack the cognitive awareness to begin to perceive the hidden threat to themselves.

In this light, the actions of Doctor X are those of a predator, one that slinks among the people, who trips the unwary and the blind, and seeks profit and advantage from practicing deceit on those unable to detect his act of injury. These are the facts that I find intolerable. So, for my doctor friend, and his hidden actions, “Here’s looking at you kid!”