This is a continuation of the Homework assignment. Part 1 is found here.
Homework – Accomplishments
These are actions that deliver a sense of accomplishment. Activities included in this category are:
- Completing a TAQ submission. The effort required to complete each submission is akin to putting your head in a meat grinder. When the package is finally in the mail there is a sense of relief more than one of accomplishment. In attempting to sort all of the submissions and order them in binders I am struck by the amount of continuous effort this activity required.
- Completing a blog post. There was a greater sense of accomplishment back when the blog was difficult to write. In the early days each post took more than a day to complete. There was a tremendous sense of satisfaction when it was finally “in the bag.” Today, not so much.
- Placing the house in order, or moving in that direction. I am attempting to focus on the sense of accomplishment associated with putting the house in order. The effort required to write the TAQ submissions absorbed all of my time and the house suffered from neglect. I am now trying to restore order.
Homework – Approaching What You Avoid
This activity set involves the identification of avoidance behaviours and beginning to address the avoided tasks. This category requires further exploration.
I know that I wish to avoid further TAQ submissions. The reason is the fact of the “meat grinder” effect described previously. I know I avoided completing the posts associated with the UV Thesis. My completed understanding of the injury left little doubt the effects were unlikely to resolve in this lifetime; I did not wish to dwell on this fact.
I am also avoiding completing the car battery replacement. The reason is I lack confidence in my ability to perform even this simple task. I have the same problem when it comes to IT issues. To date I have blown up one computer and managed to destroy at least two portable hard drives. I have never done anything similar prior to the injury. I now shy away from IT activity that I previously enjoyed.
Homework – Activity Consistent With My Values
My initial reaction to this category of activity was along the lines of impossibility. Who cares about values when faced with a day to day struggle to survive? Questions of ethics appear to be part of some exalted superstructure, something remote from the day to day obstacles that constitute lived existence.
This way of thinking may reverse the actual structure of cognition. Ethics may actually serve as the fundament, the foundation upon which all other activity is based. In a discussion with Dr D or H, we spoke of injustice. I gave of my observation that my own sense of injustice over my treatment seemed to spring from a deep primordial well. Our conversation brought up the fact that human infants early develop a sense of injustice and its implications and that other animals have also been found to exhibit a sense of injustice.
- Written submissions in favour of non-profits
- Proposals for improved rehabilitation structures. A variety of related concepts
- Attempts to bring attention to plight of persons in QC with mTBI
Most of these endeavours have to do with helping others. Until I discovered mTBI I had no understanding or awareness of people having to deal with this form of injury or the degree of government indifference, insurer neglect, and lack of awareness on the part of the medical community.
The problem with helping others is that making the attempt to help myself is pretty much a full time job. I have also come to the unwanted recognition that I lack the prior competencies to effect the creation of the organizations I seek to create. I am the man who wants to hike across Canada but who has difficulty completing a walk in his own backyard.