I am flummoxed and attempting to reorient myself. This is less of a coherent post and more of a grab bag of ideas. I am attempting to collect my thoughts so that I may sort them out and build sense from them.

I am overwhelmed by the TBI project. The overall objectives are relatively clear. I believe the need has been confirmed. Execution and implementation are the problems.

I am stuck with a task list that grows faster than my ability to complete the tasks.

I am encountering task diffusion. My performative capacity is relatively small and is being spread much too thin. The variety of tasks range across the following:

Project Outreach

Outreach related tasks. Communication of the concept to others and seeking either feedback or support from them. Any critique would also be welcome as objections help refine ideas and make them stronger.

But outreach means I need to shift gears and contemplate the project benefits as they may exist for others. At the moment I find myself stuck drafting letters to persons working in disciplines with which I am unfamiliar: TBI Rehabilitation specialists, cognitive scientists, other health professionals. I find myself stumped, and spend large amounts of time trying to determine the best way to proceed. It is like attempting to construct a marriage proposal to send to someone you do not know. That may be a bad analogy but it communicates the problem.

Implementation Details

Over the past 24 hours I have been thinking of an appropriate legal structure, the details of incorporating a non-profit, the legal issues in a relationship between a charity and the proposed social enterprise, entry criteria for a pilot program, the type of staffing needed to sustain the pilot program, the minimum feasible project implementation, the pilot project name, coding and design issues, data recording and presentation issues, required pilot hardware, ownership of this hardware, potential sources of funding, a job search, my financial situation, my disillusion with the political institutions in this country, the impacts this may or may not have on the project, a series of ethical questions surrounding these questions, what I am going to discuss with Dr H tomorrow, the fact that I cannot fully remember what was discussed during the support group yesterday, a constant worry over the return of the arm pain, the feasibility of attempting to remove more snow from the balconies, wondering if my friend W is in Montreal and if so should I risk long distance charges by calling him, how Colin is getting along and reminding myself to contact him on his return.

I think there is more but the gist of the problem is clear. Much of this information is scattered throughout a series of text documents and spreadsheets. I use these digital artifacts as extensions of my own working memory. This is possible contributor to the problem. The computer enables and permits the maintainence of a diverse set of records. My problem when I sit down in the morning is that the choice of record determines my task focus for the morning and I may not be making optimum use of my time.

I end up being left with a sense of the impossibility of what I am trying to accomplish. This is coupled with the acknowledgement that I have faced that same sense of impossibility since I first gained awareness of the injury. The only reason I have the above list of task items is that I have just bulldozed ahead regardless of how impossible the undertaking. I believe that approach has delivered benefits – it has delivered me to where I am today. This recognition makes me think twice about quitting.