Present Experience

In searching the web for data to support the TBI Proposal, I was startled to encounter a description of my present experience. The following is from the web site of the New York state Office of Mental Health and serves as an introduction to a resource on cognitive problems.

Imagine for a moment what it would be like to wake up one morning and be unable to think clearly, concentrate and remember new information. You go to work eager to be productive but are unable to concentrate and after a while, your boss gets upset with you for not completing assignments and forgetting things.

People seem to be speaking rapidly and you become unclear about what they said or what they want. Your self-confidence begins to fade and your relationships with family and friends start to deteriorate.

You begin doubting your abilities and your perception of the world around you. You fear others and start to withdraw from social activities. As time goes on, you begin to lose hope that you will regain your abilities and that your future will be better.

These are some of the things that may happen when individuals experience cognitive problems

This is a description of my present experience. My sense is that I may have some marginal physical improvement but I am at the same time gradually becoming more aware of my injury and its impacts. This acknowledgement of the injury leads to a deterioration in my psychological well being for the reasons outlined in the passage above. I am very conscious of doubting both my abilities and my perceptions, of growing more fearful of my ability to engage socially without creating havoc, or misunderstanding, and of entering into periods in which all hope is lost.