The submission went in the mail yesterday.

Just now realized that I have been engaged with that specific project since back in April, a total of 5 months. It is now gone from my life, at least temporarily.

This morning is cold and I am at loose ends. I miss the demands imposed by a major project. Project activity serves as a form of anchor. I met with Dr D yesterday and I described text creation as similar to a lifeline. You pull yourself forward along the line of text. The activity enriches you, gives the semblance of progress, and offers the potential for a positive outcome. That lifeline has now been severed.

This morning, while I wait for the sun to dispel the night, I am uncomfortably adrift. I yearn for the structure and purpose offered up by a major project. But I am also repelled by the degree of effort required.

Yesterday, on my hike to see Dr D, I walked 12.39 miles. That means a total distance of 500 miles so far this year. Futzing around on the cell, I located an app that functions as a pedometer. My primary walk tracker calculates position using GPS signals and determines the distance travelled between each GPS way point. The pedometer app is more basic. It simply counts each jolt of a footstep. The pedometer app has been logging data since December 2014. When I realized this, and located the log file, I exported it out to a spreadsheet. According to this pedometer record, I have walked 593.11 miles from January 1st to July 30th 2015. Add in the mileage from yesterday and that comes to more than 600 miles for the year.

This morning three hours were spent attempting to reconcile the various walk history data sources. The GPS based walk app gives one total. There is a monthly walk app email summary. That gives a second total. Then there is the pedometer data. That gives a third total. Finally there is my own running total based upon reports I create after each hike. All four totals are different. The difference is on the order of 100 miles.

When I attempt to clarify the reason for this significant variance, I find myself lost in an endless number of worksheets and becoming totally dazed and confused. What I am attempting to achieve is not rocket science. I have performed reconciliations before. Much more complex reconciliations. Again, I am confronted by my own ineptitude. I realize that whatever abilities I have recovered in regard to text creation fail to extend to other spheres of my life. It is frustrating to realize this. I am become very downcast. As soon as the dew burns off, I will escape with a forest hike. I refuse to accept my inadequacy. There will be no submission.