Today threatens to storm. I am suddenly so eager to exercise that even a walk in the rain is attractive. Despite the forecast warning of a heavy downpour, I hiked up to the nearby shopping centre to deposit surplus clothing in the Goodwill collection bin. On the way home, I planned to buy carrots.

Before leaving the house, I made my last minute departure check. Everything was set. Except for the purpose of the trip – the bag containing the clothing donation was nowhere to be found. A frustrating search of the house immediately followed.

While walking, the realization dawned that this forgetfulness is the reason the house so quickly becomes disorganized. I pick something up, I move to a different room, something grabs my attention, I drop what I am carrying, and commence another task. Then I migrate elsewhere, drop the second task, and engage in a third activity. Give it enough time and the outcome of this repeated process is absolute confusion.

There is a distinction between this behaviour in the house and an activity such as driving the car. When I am in the car, I am totally focused on the trip, I know the route hazards and drive in anticipation of them while at the same time seeking to minimize them through smart choice of both time of travel and route selection.

In the old days, I would stumble out of bed, grab some breakfast, sleepwalk to the car, and head off to work. Driving did not require conscious effort unless there was snow and ice on the road. Today, when I drive, I do so with extreme task concentration. I suspect I engage in similar task concentration when I meet one of my doctors. But when I am home, I am relaxed and off guard. I lack the same level of dedicated focus and therefore am much more easily distracted.

This partially explains my preference for computer work. While I do become distracted while on the computer, recovery from a distraction is much easier. If I do lose a file, there are a number of search tools available to help find it.

I think this also explains the desire to simplify my life. The more choices, or options, available to me, the more difficult daily life becomes. I need to constantly bump up my attention level to properly manage basic life tasks. I have not yet learned how to apply myself with this level of day to day, minute by minute, diligence. I belive I have learned how to do this in specific task settings such as with doctor meetings, on car trips, and in food shopping.

On the walk route, I passed by a large discount food store and, out of curiosity, went in. Two things became apparent. On certain items they offer excellent pricing and I was very tempted to stop and buy some needed essentials. I avoided doing so as the backpack was stuffed with the clothing donation and I didn’t want to hand carry a lot of food items.

The second thing I noticed was how quickly I became overwhelmed and disoriented within the store. After making my exit, I realized this was the same state I regularly encountered in the period after the injury. I do not experience it frequently now as I have restricted myself to shopping at a single store. I know the store layout very well, I make sure to shop during the off peak hours when the store is more or less empty, and I go direct to the required items, collect them, and make an immediate exit. It is not really shopping in the “wander around and see what may be of interest” mode. It is more akin to a hawk swooping down through the aisles, collecting the prey on its list and then making an immediate quick departure.