This has been an extraordinary difficult week. In fact, it is difficult to accept that it has been only a week as it feels like a lifetime. And that has meaning in both the literal and figurative sense.
It is 04:00. It is April. And it is once again snowing. The white stuff is blowing sideways and painting all the buildings and cars in strange relief.
I saw Dr H yesterday and that was another form of relief. I do not think I want to go into big detail on recent events. I do want to capture some rough notes as a marker of where I have been, what I have accomplished, what has been avoided.
This story within a story starts on Wednesday, or Thursday, of last week when N sent me a link to a web broadcast covering research on TBI and the return to work process. The research was useful. It proved up a number of the theses that underpin the Concerna / Catnip / Slow Enterprise undertaking.
But somehow it also launched me back into a review of events from a year or more ago. And this review created immense difficulties for me. I do not really want to burrow into it any deeper than that extremely shallow description.
I am trying to pull things together, to get back on track. Having the Concerna / Catnip project as an anchor has been a godsend. I have accomplished little in the past week, a little puttering around the edges, some tidying up. But the fact that I have a body of work that is near complete has had immense psychological benefit.
I have had reason to encounter and review a number of personal performance metrics. The events of the week confirm the belief that I am capable of improved cognition vs the same period a year ago. This has had both positive and negative effects. But I believe it true that I am better able to comprehend and integrate fact with increased clarity. Clarity may be assumed to be beneficial. It can also be extremely raw, uncompromising, and destructive.
With regards to the project, I realize that it has taken me over three months to complete work that any half competent coder would likely have completed within three days, a week at the outside. My pre-injury self, operating in recreational mode, would not have taken more than three weeks to complete work that has required over three months of effort. Work remains still incomplete.
Note to Self and others:
A number of text files detailing the nature of the problems encountered during this period have been emailed to my facticity email account and to the mybike and my formal name-space account. The relevant date range would be from March 26th through to April 4th inclusive. Let us hope there are many more dates to come.