Up at 0900. Last night was a mental battlefield. I have discovered battlefield vision, a contested view of my experience.

Had a great deal of trouble getting to sleep. The birds were out before I drifted off. I deeply regret my further involvement with the insurance company. My sense is that there will be no positive outcome to the present process and that any and all engagement with the insurer, in any form, simply serves as a distraction. It pulls me away from other efforts more likely to have a productive outcome.

Last night was spent in “rehearsals.” I find myself prepping a series of arguments in which I set out my case. Once the mind becomes engaged in this way, then it seems unable to stop.

One big negative is that I find myself in the same position I was in following the February receipt of the insurance company letter. I am attempting to construct legal argument out of my experience of the past four years and I am finding this difficult. This difficulty greatly undermines my belief in a sudden cognitive improvement, or any transition between Foxhole Vision and Landscape Vision.

I wrote the “breakthrough text” around April 22nd. My calculations failed to include the fact that I had been “priming the pump” since the date of receipt of the insurance company letter. The letter came in, I attempted to reply, and found myself frustrated in the attempt. The response was put aside. A second attempt followed at a later date. This again encountered frustration. A third abortive attempt encountered more frustration. This went on for the entire two month period preceding the April 22nd “breakthrough.”

From my current perspective, the cognitive breakthrough was not really a breakthrough. It was simply a further example of a high level of effort being applied to a routine task to achieve a satisfactory outcome. My sense is that I am becoming engaged in a similar high level of effort in my response to the insurance litigation, am experiencing similar levels of frustration, and stay up all night in consequence.

My second set of thoughts have to do with walking activity. I have not experienced the same noticeable “pop” I felt when I commenced a similar level of exercise last year. Yesterday I attempted to track the miles I have put in to date. As of today, I have put in 80 plus miles this month. Last month, I put in 40 plus miles. I did not keep a complete record but the header image above demonstrates that I was making an effort to exercise back when the snow was still heavy on the ground.

I now suspect that my expectation of a “pop” has been experienced in a slightly different way. My increased exercise schedule coincided with the “breakthrough.” It is therefore possible that the breakthrough was primed by two prior months of abortive preparation culminating in improved oxygen perfusion from the exercise routine and that these two factors are chiefly responsible for the apparent cognitive improvement.

If the “breakthrough” had been a genuine breakthrough then I should not be experiencing all the difficulties I am presently experiencing with respect to regular text creation, or the preparations to meet insurance company at the Tribunal.