Hello Cols:
I am in total agreement with your feedback. It basically summarizes my own assessment.
To put all this in some sort of perspective.
Back in December /January I had to submit a written appeal of my claim to SAAQ. This was very difficult to write and I really had to work very hard to put it together.
Once it was completed I found this big vacuum. The writing had and been difficult but I really appreciated the direction and task focus it generated. Since I appeared unlikely to get any rehabilitation assistance from the state health system I decided I may as well put together my own rehab program.
I started writing a project plan for the volunteer group Transitions Ottawa, then a local newsletter idea then a national newsletter idea.
I was making contact with a lot of people across the country and it felt very positive, that I was making progress. Largely this was because I could draft emails and proposals, take a day or more to complete and edit and fine tune them and come across online as a “normal” person without any of the impedance’s or slowness I experience day to day. Not only did I seem to be making good progress in recovery and developing skills I also thought I might be developing some sort of employment opportunity.
This attempt collapsed in March / April when there was a lot of feedback to the effect that I wasn’t progressing as I had thought and I realized I was basically constructing an Internet persona which appeared normal and which served to mask my actual performance. There was a lot of depression, suicidal thoughts, bad news. I didn’t want to tell you about all of this as I don’t want to come across as a weak bozo. Description is bad but you get the idea.
Basically I overestimated my capabilities and underestimated the difficulties of what I was attempting. I found a very good web resource on TBI and recovery written by a US neuropsychologist.
Decided to try again but limit the scope and scale. First goal was to see if I could write a week’s worth of blog posts. Worked hard and more or less achieved that goal so I think I can do it.
But also came to the realization that I was getting too bogged down in self referential navel gazing.
I attribute this to the fact that I have developed a better level of self-awareness and am much more aware now of deficits and problem areas and I am trying to “write through them” or get a better perspective on my problems but I own sense is that I am getting stuck in navel gazing.
Also I have found other excellent sources of info on the web and there is:
- no point to duplicate existing resources;
- Other resources, the better ones, are written by medical professionals;
- I want to avoid responsibility / problem of giving quasi medical advice (I did want want to write a journal of self recovery as a help to others with TBI or help to those with loved ones with TBI).
So my thoughts are to shift perspective slightly and examine difficulties in obtaining work at age 60. What are the barriers? what are the solutions? Also incorporate a look at small business opportunities. What small biz exists? What is practicable or possible? How do I assess my own skills pkg with available opportunities.
This appears much more fruitful than a more limited focus on TBI and is also more interesting to me and fits with my past work in small biz dev and also within a framework of response to demands of climate change and development of a reduced emissions economy.
So I am attempting to pivot and redirect the blog concept. Have ideas on revenue generation but I need to get a better handle on my own abilities to determine if that is within realm of possibility. If nothing else the blog:
- Has some rehab benefit
- I enjoy the task of writing
- The associated problem sets appear to address some of my problem areas
- Blog has the aspect of operating like a web calling card and introduces me to a wide range of people and thereby increases contact leading to some employment
- If not 4 then it holds potential for supplemental income if not providing full income.
Sorry to have written so much. And I apologize for not keeping you informed and up to date. Don’t want to come across as a “whiner” or basket case. Had thought I might have the opportunity to deliver good news and wanted to do that as opposed to endless stream of not so good news.
Appreciate your patience!!!!
Love you a lot!!
Dad
The web resource referred to in the post has been authored by Dr. Glen Johnson, a Clinical Neuropsychologist. It is one of the few resources I have found that speaks directly to the quality of the injury and the difficulties experienced in recovery. I first found this website about a year ago, lost it, and have since found it again. The section on Emotional Stages of Recovery was very helpful in dealing with my recent issues. I had been in some form of denial, or unawareness, of my injury and now appear to be “hovering” between the state of Depression and the state of Testing. This is likely all gobbledygook unless you have personal experience of TBI in which case it is very, very, real.
Dr. Johnson’s web resource may be found at the following URL:
http://www.tbiguide.com/
A second resource which also speaks very directly to the actual experience of TBI may be found here:
http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/health/i-wanted-my-brain-back/#
Anne’s injury is much more severe than mine but the description of the problems she faces are very recognizable. For me the key quote is that provided by Susan Connors, president of the Brain Injury Association of America:
“Traumatic brain injury is the most misunderstood, misdiagnosed, underfunded public health problem our nation faces.”
As for putting mayonnaise on the wrong side of the sandwich, been there, done that. And much else . The most important aspects of the article deal with the problems in obtaining an accurate diagnosis from an uninformed medical fraternity. Unfortunately, I am having to deal with that issue at present.
The very best wishes to you Anne for a complete recovery. Your willingness to make your issues public has been an inspiration to me.
