This is a picture of Colin in the plaza at the new Lansdowne Park. It was taken on December 25th and was part of my best Christmas ever.

On Christmas eve I worked until 0400 on legal submissions. I didn’t really want to do the work but I was in a groove and, when I think myself productive, I attempt to maximize output. Woke around noon on the 25th and found an email from Colin saying he was in Ottawa at the Lord Elgin. Woo hoo!!

Hiked into the city and burned up the trails on the way. The two of us walked down the canal to the Lansdowne area, stopped to see the film The Big Short, then went for a meal. The next day we went to the Natural History museum, stopped for a few beers (I drank soda as alcohol is verboten due to the injury) followed by a dinner of tempura and teriyaki salmon (yum).

Colin left the next day to get back in time for work. His timing was impeccable as Ottawa was walloped by a storm which dropped over a foot of snow and ice and made travel difficult, if not impossible. During Colin’s visit, I walked over 30 miles in two days which is a record for me. I wanted to get downtown to see Colin off but could barely hobble around the house. I think my blisters had blisters.

We had some great talks and I already miss him a great deal. One of our discussions concerned free will. One thought that hit home was the fact my learned response to peer ostracization (described in this post on Self-Efficacy) has delivered both positive and negative effects.

The positive effect is that it has prepared me to accept and master significant challenges. This was important in CG Search and Rescue, with BVOD, and in other start-up environments. The negative effect derives from the times when I have continued to exert myself against impossible odds, acting out of the belief that my actions may alter the outcome. My attempt to hold a failing marriage together represents one problematic example. My struggle to remain in the maritimes and remain close to Colin after the marriage collapse by engaging in software development, small business consulting, and other entrepreneurial ventures, represents another case of my refusing to recognize I was faced by an impossible challenge. I can view my current efforts in presenting my case before the Tribunal administrative du Québec in the same light. I am trying to understand the law, attempting to learn the basics of neuroscience, fighting hard to correct an injustice. But I really do not know what I am doing.

I have spent the past few days of forced inactivity pondering these issues. I can see strong arguments both for and against. With regards the marriage, and my attempt to stay in Halifax, I believe I made the right decision even if the outcome was less than I hoped to achieve. With regards the case before the Tribunal, I have invested so much effort it seems stupid to abandon the work two months before the hearing. Better to push on and make my best effort at a positive resolution.