I feel completely defeated and am trying to understand the reason for this. There may be multiple reasons. The following is a list of partial explanations.

The web site work forces me into a confrontation with my deficits. This encounter undermines my self-image and forces acknowledgement of my degraded self. It forces recognition that despite my best efforts over a four year period, I have made only marginal progress.

Further negativity derives from the observation that my period of extended effort has not resulted in the activity becoming easier. My capabilities do not appear to improve in response to the increased level of challenge.

I suspect that part of the difficulty arises from matters in this post: Difficult Week

I know that these, and associated issues, continue to bubble up and cause problems. This matter is a source of psychological negativity. I have not yet found a way to address these issues. In fact, I have been working to avoid them. The web site work has been deliberately used as a means to mask, or bury, or suppress, the past. I am conscious of using the web project in this manner. Clearly this has not worked.

There appears to be two levels of problem. One level derives from events occurring over a year ago, events that I thought were forgotten, embedded in the frozen past. These events have again arisen due to a different, more accurate interpretation of what took place.

This revelation, or re-interpretation, then results in a review of all of the activities subsequent to the accident. This is the under basement of my experience. An aspect that I suspect is bubbling up and causing me problems. An area of concern that I am trying to avoid, or suppress. I don’t want to go there and this avoidance is likely unhealthy.

The second level of problem is more direct. It springs from the fact that I seem unable to invoke the same measure of progress associated with text entry. Here, I think I am being unfair to myself. The improvement in my capacity to write took place over an extended period of years not just a few months. I was not immediately conscious of this improvement but was only able to observe it in retrospect. I also believe that the act of writing is more amenable to provoking brain function.