Up after a fitful night in which it was very difficult to sleep. Having a hard time getting started on anything. Sense of hopelessness.

Walked in to see Dr H yesterday. During our conversation, she told me that I have shown a great deal of improvement. I want to believe that. But I have terrible difficulty in accepting it. The evidence against comes in the form of the recent memory test which showed no improvement, and in the workplace experiment which identified a number of problems (I have yet to complete a final section which details my experience travelling to a strange location. I appear to have lost notes that I am certain I wrote), the fact I am socially completely inept, and overwhelmed by all of the detail and recommendations in the self therapy book.

It is a sunny day. I feel that I should make use of the opportunity by going for a long walk.

Back from walk. Did 6 reps of the hill climb for a total of 8.31 miles. This is a greater distance than the hike to downtown and back. Felt very strong at the start. Only began to note difficulty at rep 5, with rep 6 being a hard push to complete.

During the first stage of the hike, I came to a number of conclusions.

I need to stop harshing on myself. It accomplishes nothing apart from serving to undermine what little confidence and abilty I do have.

I need to make like The Martian and “science the s**t out of this situation.” I have a background in logic and a propensity for evidence based reason. I need to build on this base.

My thesis with regard to the injury is that I face a problem with arousal. I place great reliance on text as I can order it, edit it, perfect it. At the same time, the requirements of text creation serve to order me, impose a form of discipline, provide both a kind of guidepost and a sense of direction. I abandoned text creation in mid September when I ran out of steam. This was a mistake. Text and document creation is my strong suit. It plays to my logical mind, I appear able to deliver results, it is a good way to fight.

As of today I have walked 916.54 miles in 2015. I want to break a thousand by the end of October.