Having a difficult time. Trying to fathom what is taking place with me. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. There are a variety of issues of varying impact.
First, I find it very difficult to continue with the effort. I am escaping into impromptu holidays, into less demanding efforts such as hours devoted to hand-washing shirts. I face a deadline to complete a legal submission. I want to avoid it altogether.
Second, there is a cumulative weariness bearing down on me. I am fatigued at four hours after waking. I have not really accomplished much. A headache is coming on.
Third, I have been carefully studying the Canada Evidence Act only to realize that it does not apply to matters under provincial jurisdiction. So I have also been making the attempt to absorb the relevant aspects of the Québec code of civil procedure. I cannot keep it all in mind. I again experience being overwhelmed.
In my legal undertakings, I follow the model of the amateur mechanic who discovers a screw head, removes the screw, and the associated part, only to discover another fitting and a second screw. That too is removed. And the next. The work appears simple enough. And then the final outcome arrives and the mechanic discovers himself seated in the midst of a vast array of parts with no understanding of which part goes where, or how to assemble the pieces back into the unity of a complete whole entity. I am like that mechanic. Except I am operating upon the law. It appears simple and straightforward but dissolves into layers of complexity that quickly grow beyond my understanding.
Fourth, I am dispirited as this entire situation in which I find myself is unfair. I did nothing but go to work, was struck from behind, suffered an injury and have for three years been in almost constant battle with my insurer, an organization that refuses to address the injury, or provide insurance cover, or the necessary rehabilitation. I have had to confront an inadequate medical system, and deal with a host of well paid professionals each of whom appear to have failed in the performance of their duties. And through it all, I remain injured and forced to deal with all this madness inflicted upon me by accident.
The people who are supposed to help don’t help. They obstruct and cheat, dissemble, frustrate and lie and force me into a fight for my very existence. for a return to the undamaged me.
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The foregoing was written this morning. I gave up and retreated to bed well before noon and slept through to six o’clock. Part of the problem is that I have not been sleeping well with the result that I build up a sleep deficit and this simply adds to my problems.
On waking, I forced myself back into the work. I discovered a forgotten draft from nine days ago. It was a complete embarrassment. Somehow I have unmangled it, and managed to hammer out something that fits the immediate requirement. It is not my best work, it strikes me as inelegant, and is likely legally weak, but it will have to suffice. I just want the torture to end.
It is now after midnight. The plan for tomorrow is to make a copy run, collate the distribution copies and get them all in the mail Monday at the latest. Once this tasking is complete there is another activity to address. Plus, I have been avoiding the mailbox as I am deeply fearful of finding another time dependent legal request lurking within it.