Since writing the post on Mood Impacts, I have experienced a number of negative events. I am recording these here as they represent events not associated with any of the activities categorized in the May 18th post.

The week of May 16th I received a form letter regarding the renewal of my health care card. I set this to one side. The next day I started to complete the form but found I was missing the enclosed return envelope. I spent two days in a fruitless search for this return envelope but was unable to locate it.

On Thursday May 19th, I realized I was required to make myself physically present at a location so an official photograph might be taken. This means there was no return envelope. I felt stupid over my fruitless search and decided to attend to this renewal request the next day. The two available office locations were equidistant from me. One was located in a part of town difficult to access on foot. The other was located in Aylmer and might be reached via a pathway running west along the river. I printed out maps and spent the evening planning the trip to the Aylmer location.

Once at the registration office, I conversed in French and was successful apart from being unable to translate “quatre vingt dix quatre vingt.” The amount of payment was repeated several times but I remained unable to decode it and was forced to refer to ordinal numerals to determine a payment of $90.80. I then learned that the only acceptable payment methods were cash and cheque. Since there was only $20 in my wallet, I arranged to leave everything at the counter while I went next door to the bank. When I left the office I realized I had all the gear I normally carry when I see Dr. H, and that I pay Dr. H by cheque. Therefore I must have a cheque with me. I immediately returned to the office, explained this fact to the dismayed counter person, made payment, and had my photograph taken. I felt very stupid over the translation failure and this failure to remember the cheque book.

The route home was difficult. I attempted a shortcut through a residential area but this ended up requiring me to backtrack a half mile to return to a through street running north. I was not overly dismayed over this fact. I was in exploration mode which means mistakes will be made.

The route home resulted in having to walk by the side of a road where the traffic zoomed by at high speed. There was no sidewalk, the route was rough gravel, and my tired feet felt the bite of the stones. I hiked on the asphalt but stepped off each time a car approached.

I again experienced foot pain. I asked myself why I walked when I could have taken a bus. When walking I am making physical demands of my body, and forcing my body to respond to my will. It was a hot, difficult, and slightly painful walk but I shut out the sensation of pain and just kept going. My motive was to re-assert control over my body and confirm to myself the ability to control my own body. This is in contrast to my mind over which I can exert only limited control. Essentially, my forced walk routines are a compensatory mechanism through which I regain the sense of self control eroded by injury effects.

The fact of my having completed an arduous 15 mile hike left me feeling positive the next day. I woke early and at 0830 commenced working on the TAQ materials I have been avoiding. At 1145 I felt the onset of fatigue. At 1230 I felt the onset of headache. I stopped work and went to nap. I immediately fell asleep, waking at 1345. At this point I felt very down and went back to sleep until 1600. I felt down for the balance of the evening and was unable to generate much enthusiasm for anything.