My abilities are very fragile. Creating the prior post left me extremely frustrated. I carefully entered the text in the post editor but, when I went to display the final web page (what you see on the site), I found portions of the page were corrupt. There was an abrupt increase in frustration. This frustration was amplified by my being unable to locate the prior content to which I wished to hyperlink, and several other problems associated with text entry.
First Observation
I find it remarkable that I have been plugging away at submissions and beginning to feel passably competent and then, suddenly, tonight, I switch tasks and am plunged back into incompetence.
Second Observation
The sense of incompetence triggers immense frustration.
Third Observation
Some degree of frustration is due to the “cream pie” error effect.
Fourth Observation
Once frustration gains hold it spills over into all other parallel activity. I began to display increased incompetence in all that I do. This is not primary incompetence. It is a secondary incompetence directly resulting from blossoming of the initial sense of frustration. Blossoming is the mechanism by which the sense of frustration grows until it becomes totally, absolutely, overwhelming. At that point I must stop all activity and go for a walk, or cook a meal, or watch Netflix, or something. Anything to avoid and suppress the sense of frustration. I commence avoidance behaviour as a means of coping with a high degree of frustration.
Fifth Observation
I have been using a mindfulness practice which serves to address the above problem. I call it the 5-2-5 process but it likely has another name. The practice consists of breathing in for a five count, holding the breath for a two count, and then breathing out for a five count. It seems to work.
Sixth Observation
I am becoming more sensitive to the onset of frustration. Prior to this, I would transition from a placid and functional state to a wild, demonic, stomping about the room state, ready to throw everything out of the windows. The amplification of the frustration occurred so quickly that it turned from frustration into immediate rage within scant seconds. It was only caught it at the raging stage when I stepped back from acting out (how many computers can I afford to throw through the window?). It was only at this point that I recognized I was being wildly unreasonable.
Over time I have become increasingly sensitive to the signs of incipient frustration. Since I now “see” the frustration before it builds into full blown rage, I have greater opportunity to intervene, apply the 5-2-5 technique, and defuse the situation before it spirals completely out of control.
Seventh Observation
An increasing interval between frustration events leads me into the belief that I am “cured.” By cured, I mean that I come to the belief that I have achieved the return of a degree of normal mastery over my affairs. That I have recovered to a pre-injured state. That I am returning to “normalcy.” I make this assumption and I feel good about myself. But this normalcy is both extremely fragile and deceptive. My hunch is that it derives from the fact that I am embedded in highly routinized activity (preparing submissions) and this routinization works to my benefit. When I encounter problems outside of the routine, then I experience the beginning a frustration spiral.
To clarify. When working on submissions I expect to make foolish mistakes. Because I have this expectation, I allocate a generous time budget and undertake painstaking and constant reviews of my work.
When I switch to something “I know” such as working on the blog, I do not expect to make similar mistakes. The blog is not as difficult or complex, it has an audience of one, there is nothing riding on the outcome of this text. My expectations are lower and I anticipate fewer problems. When problems do surface, the frustration is more intense because I did not expect, or associate it, with a routine I have performed for over two years.
Eighth Observation
The frustration came from the fact I was entering an external link to an article on The Guardian web site. In addition, I was also adding text that would display when the mouse pointer hovered over the link. This will be seen if you position your mouse pointer here.
This is not rocket science. It is blood simple HTML. And I could not get it to work.
The problem derived from the fact that certain characters are not valid HTML. If they are included within the tag, or the HTML tag is not properly formed, then WordPress will simply throw out the offending bits. You replace the missing bits. WordPress throws them out. You insert two other similarly tagged links. They work. You use the same tagging on the earlier link. WordPress throws it out.
To determine what was causing the problem I engaged in a trouble shooting routine. I inserted the link with no title or anchor text, just the hyperlink. I tested it. It worked. Next I added the visible anchor text. That worked. Then I added the title hover text. WordPress threw it out.
A further hour was spent in debugging before I finally got it to work. Once I was immersed in the process as an investigatory challenge it was no longer frustrating. I realize that in some respects my submissions represent investigator challenges within which I have become immersed such that the activity is routine. I understand and accept the parameters of the routine. When I switch tasks and engage in another task (which should also be straightforward and routine) and it does not work, I become frustrated. When I turn the frustrating task into its own investigatory routine then it becomes manageable again. Very bizarre stuff these mental events.