I commenced writing this post immediately after a teleconference in which I received unwelcome news. I now know enough about myself to recognize the onset of a depressive event. One of the ways I have of calming myself, of maintaining an even keel, is to write.

Written text serves multiple purposes:

1. It provides content for the blog. This is its least useful purpose given that the blog has no audience beyond myself.
2. It assists me in gathering my thoughts, organizing them, subjecting them to scrutiny. I write semi-random notes on this and that, place them on the page and discover element A to be an aspect of issue B, that observation X has a bearing on problem Y. As I engage in this process I am making discoveries about the topic on which I seek to write. I will then cut and paste, and gradually reassemble the text elements into a cohesive whole. This process of “text creation by movement” was first learned when I filed my first insurance appeal in December 2012. I have been refining and improving on this technique since that time.
3. Writing functions as a means to moderate my mood. I know that it calms me. I sense being on the edge of a depressive event and the ability to write, to work events through on paper, provides something tangible to which to grasp and cling, something that helps prevent me going completely over the edge.
4. Text delivers an historical record. I have been working to fix a blog problem I inadvertently created. The fix requires me to revisit all of my prior posts. When I do so, I learn of my problems in the context of an extended time line and my understanding deepens. I also encounter prior snippets of insight that bear on present day issues. Until this forced reacquaintance, I had completely forgotten these earlier events and their relevance to the present day context. Absent the blog, or a similar record, I would not gain these insights.
5. The blog has pictures. This makes it more attractive than my scrawl in a notebook. Much more readable as well.
6. The blog forces me to confront my deficits, it makes them plainly evident. This is a positive event as, once the deficit is pushed out into the open, it becomes something I can address and seek to mitigate. If I am unable to find means to mitigate the problem then I can look for a workaround to avoid it altogether. This has considerable similarities to the process I followed in offshore and marine safety. I need to contemplate how I might borrow from that knowledge discipline and apply it within this therapeutic environment.

The forgoing seeks to introduce and explain what I am attempting to achieve in this series of posts. There exists a set of intertwined, decision relevant issues that I am trying to unpack. I face a variety of constraints and I need to make a decision. This decision has significant implications for further treatment, for my finances, and for my life in general.

What I am attempting to do is assemble an idea set within the context of a series of blog posts. Normally this would be performed offline, in a text editor. The blog offers far better formatting options, and a much cleaner visual display. The goal of this experiment is to determine if it is possible to extend the therapeutic value of the blog to the provision of decision support in relation to complex therapeutic and financial issues.

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Item entry 6 was derived directly from the mechanics of making this post.

I started by collecting decision relevant items. This led to the notion of making a blog post. After assembling ideas for the blog post, I went in search of a suitable image. Once one was found, I became sidetracked, and spent considerable time upgrading an entire string of images. This was followed by review of several other collections of images and performing operations on them. This somehow segued into the notion of sending a confirmation email to Dr D. After I performed this task,  I returned to the browser and discovered I remained logged into the blog and was in the midst of making a post. This lead me back to the text editor to search through tabs to locate the correct source document. I then realized I was at the stage where I needed an image. I searched for the image previously selected. It was not where I expected to find it. I then realized it was in a second location. It was found and uploaded. At this point I realized that I had just followed an immense discursive loop in the attempt to perform one relatively simple task.