It is time for the April End of Month Review. I think these entries are helpful to me but I find them difficult. I am forced to compress a great deal of detail when my preference would be to include all the details. This is likely counter-productive.
Completed 175 miles in April, a big improvement over the 60 odd miles achieved in March. Having walked through the winter, I appear to be in good aerobic shape and can take the hill loop without much problem. Did experience shin splints during last trip to see Dr H and on the day following. Some pain in right front foot in big toe “push off” area but both of these issues appear to be moderating, or gone.
Walk recovery appears to take a significant period of time especially with any distance over 7 miles. Need to build a stronger conditioning base and then extend from this base.
No longer experience anger on walks. No sense of big improvement associated with walks although I believe my sense of taste has become altered for the better. Will enter a post on this [click the link in the prior sentence to view this post]
Have completed and submitted a summary document. Still seek to submit a number of appendices: 1) Issues of misfeasance associated with the case; 2) supporting cross references; 3) rebuttal of material found at pages 302 to 305.
I don’t know how to weigh the value of the case submissions, or gauge the likely outcome. There are days when I believe I have done well given all of the obstacles I face. And these days are followed by days on which I am sure I have failed due to some aspect of the law about which I have little knowledge.
In the last meeting with Dr H we discussed a research paper on mTBI which speaks to the victim’s loss of self-identity subsequent to injury. My sense is that my identity has become bound up in writing the TAQ submissions. Along with the blog, these submissions are a major focus of activity (they serve to displace the blog and every other aspect of life). While I am aware or this fact, I can see no means of getting around the necessity of completing the TAQ process.
An Accident Log entry from April 27th sums the situation up:
If I start to look at the “big picture” i become paralyzed.
So I need to develop a system akin to the one that works for submissions and I need to extend the submissions work process into other areas of life.
Still having sleep problems at night. Will tend to wake between 0200 to 0400 and have difficulty returning to sleep.
Experience a lower frustration threshold after exertion, or when tired. Will blow up at machines in copy shop, or get irate with post office clerks who fail to understand their own product line. I need to find a means to control this. Only method I can think of is to inventory likely scenarios and then prep and practice mindfulness when entering that specific scenario.
Will also drop things. Dumped a pot of cooked carrots across the floor. Increasingly clumsy after cognitive exertions.
At Dr H’s suggestion, I have been stopping work at 3.5 hours rather than waiting until I experience the onset of fatigue and headache. At the 3.5 hr mark I will stop document production and typically eat something followed by a brisk short walk with a brief nap on return.
Saturday was spent in clean-up tasks and I noted headache in a new location:
Headache after clean-up appears to be more forward than prior headache which was in a position above left ear. Present headache is in left forehead area approach 1 hand width forward of the left ear (thumb positioned in ear) and 3 finger widths to left of head CL. Not throbbing just present. Same feeling as is normally felt above left ear.
There was a time that I thought I might fight my way out of this injury. I also had ideas in regard to setting up an organization intended to assist with rehabilitation. Since I was denied access to a rehab facility, I designed an optimum rehab experience. I am now at a point where I see these goals as impractical and beyond my ability to achieve, or to organize. I also experience a disconnect between the effort required to complete the TAQ presentations and the effort required to organize the mass of paperwork which floods the house. I would very much like to get beyond the conflict stage, get rid of all the masses of paper, not have to worry about writing exhibits or making legal argument. Just want to put all of that behind me, clean up the house and make it orderly and focus on the small things that I can achieve.
Links to Prior Review Pages
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