Montréal, September 21st

This post consists of notes entered in my blue notebook on September 21st, 2016. I had travelled to Montréal by train to attend a TAQ hearing. In the course of the hearing, my ability to participate completely collapsed. Subsequent to the hearing, I attempted a recovery. During this recovery period I wrote notes on what had occurred in an attempt at understanding.

The original notes remain in a blue Hilroy 80 page spiral bound notebook. The original notes were transcribed into this document:
D:\25_Personal\Accident Mar 06 2011\NOTES ON SEPTEMBER 21 TAQ HEARING 2016-09-25.TXT

The above transcript forms the basis for this post. Names have been redacted. Text enclosed in [square brackets] represents comment not found in the original notes. Spelling has been corrected.



JUDGE [name redacted]

OPPOSING COUNSEL – [ Unable to record name. Have hieroglyphic I cannot read.]

CLAUSE RE PROFESSIONAL – [ believed to be a reference to clause 3.17 ?? of the SAAQ legislation respecting professional secrecy. This clause follows immediately after the clauses sent to Dr X by SAAQ agent Name Forgotten]

1 NOTES RE FULLER [???] AT ACCIDENT WITH Dr. X. [This is my interpretation of what I wrote. May be miss-interpreting it. I think it has something to do with a reference to Dr. X thinking a 20 mph impact when the actual impact was significantly greater. This is a fact that should be made as an independent TAQ submission.]

[The speed of impact is a critical figure and is subject to major variation based on the reaction time of the BULLET driver. If he had just completed a large and heavy Sunday evening meal, if he had an alcoholic beverage with his meal, if he had used other psychotropic substances. All of these would have delayed his reaction time. His arrival time at the scene of the accident at the precise instant FULLER had brought his vehicle to a safe stop is conclusive evidence that he was travelling well above the posted speed limit. He was in a hurry to get somewhere. This focus and intent clearly prevented him from observing the traffic hazard seen by FULLER. This focus on events other than the traffic situation may also have resulted in a delay in his reaction times.]

[This delay in reaction times presents clear evidence of probability of injury which is based on engineering physics and does not rely on the pronouncement of a Doctor. This is especially important as it is recognized by medical science that MRI of the specification used on FULLER is unable to image mTBI injury.]

[The only objective diagnostic tools remain in the laboratory and have not yet been commercially distributed.]

a fragment “CLAUSE RE”

A fragment “EXECUTIVE OR LEGISLATURE” [Should read JUDICIARY. A Québec court has ruled that TAQ is not part of the JUDICIARY but rather is part of the EXECUTIVE and therefore has all the powers of the executive and is not limited in any way. This implies that TAQ does have the ability to impose a summary judgment contra the statement of COUNSEL FOR SAAQ.]


SAAQ lawyer stated SAAQ has full access to all accident related medical information “as soon as the card is swiped.” “Anything which is in the Doctor’s medical file”

[MY COMMENT – When I bought my medical file the second time the offending letter was not found in it.]

1 – LOI D’ADMINISTRATION has clause acknowledging the professional obligations of the physician
[ this actually refers to a clause in the SAAQ legislation not in the Loi d’administration]

2 – Lawyer stated – “If it is in his medical file then SAAQ has access to it.”
[ This is an incorrect statement as the legislation recognizes the constraint of professional secrecy. SAAQ’s access is conditional upon the consent of the patient. If this consent is withdrawn then SAAQ does not have access to the file.]

Provide copy of submission to CDMQ showing that the offending letter does not repose in Fuller’s medical file.

– Was the above [meaning the CDMQ submission] submitted to SAAQ?

Very easily confused.
Very down on myself
Spent hours creating high quality briefs and submissions. Fell apart in a bowl of quivering jelly.

Unable to address detail
Unable to quickly accommodate change
Unable to quickly decide on “appropriate action.”

SAAQ lawyer argued I was leading us around in circles. He was right.



1) Awareness that I had “lost it.”

2) Unable to effect a recovery and regain normal acceptable performance
– Repeated negative performance and recognized this fact
– Sense of humiliation and embarrassment. A variation on childhood loss of control. Want to retreat, escape the situation and hide. But cannot do this as I remain anchored within the trigger context and find myself unable to reestablish control.

3) Other Factors
– Very high level of sensory stimulation once I do escape the trigger context.
– Streets of Montreal at lunch hour
– Crowded with people, very noisy, lots of things [unknown word] stimulants, contribute to sense of being overwhelmed by environment and unable to establish control once it has been lost.

4) Search out a refuge, a place of retreat and quiet that I can use for a Humpty Dumpty moment. Very hard to find.


5) Fatigue. Burdened by heavy fatigue. Want to retreat and go to sleep. No safe place to sleep.

6) [mislabelled as paragraph 4. All subsequent paragraphs are also mislabelled. I have applied the correct numbering to all paragraphs in this post] Along with fatigue comes headache. Leave station and attempt to engage in walk therapy which is believed to assist with fatigue and headache.

7) Getting out of the station is entering a subterranean tunnel complex with a thousand boutiques and a crush of people. I become lost. Now fatigued, headache, very confused and verging on a state of panic. Take the first available exit that leads to outside environment.

8) Outside environment is crowded and noisy. No place of refuge. Problems and [unknown word] not diminished. Keep walking in the hope that movement alone may be of benefit. Search for place of refuge to rebuild.

9) Locate a “Linear Park” with benches about 50 feet from major artery (René-Lévesque Ouest?) Park has trees which screen out all the stimulus. It is like a faux forest setting. The park is unoccupied by others apart from bike couriers collected at the south end. They provide a [unknown word] distraction.


10) Fearful of nodding off due to fatigue. Very heavy desire for sleep.

11) Fearful of misplacing, losing [unknown word] important paper (train boarding pass), notes on legal session, [unknown word], [unknown word].
Button everything up and avoid opening pockets and reviewing. Focus on the light falling through the leaves and the warm late summer breeze which starts the trees into motion.

12) After sitting for approx 1 hour there is some degree of recovery. I return to area of station. Purchase a coffee and a muffin.

13) The lunch time crowds have thinned. The station concourse is now manageable. I go to a ticket wicket to see if I can transfer to an earlier train. I bought a ticket for an 1850 departure. It is now 1400. Departure is about 5 hours away. Once on the train I will be able to nod off safely. Ticket agent advises the cost to upgrade my cheap $60 ticket has a $50 surcharge.


14) I am able to locate a secure spot in the quiet concourse and take a mini nap. I close my eyes clutching all of my gear and nod off for a period of minutes.

I repeat this for several hours

15) Now 1600, the station again becomes very crowded and busy as the work force floods the facility to catch the commuter trains for home.

16) I have achieved some degree of recovery. I am still afraid of loss or misplacement of possessions. I appear to have lost a couple of things. My tie is missing. [unknown word] I distrust my capacity to keep track of quotidian objects.