In the review of past blog posts, I have found several which describe the creation of a blog post as an all day event. I am now able to enter a blog post in a matter of hours. This led me to reflect on what else may have changed.
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Category Archives: Assess
The Times They Are A Changin
Up at 0500. I have a sense that the times they are a changin and I attribute the changes to my daily walks.
Yesterday, I was struck by the earthy smell of the potatoes as they parted beneath the knife blade. For an instant I thought perhaps this was a flashback to the period when I would smell odours that had no physical origin, odours that were not truly present in reality. But I had the same experience when chopping parsley.
Until recently, I experienced great disappointment with the quality of the bunched herbs that I purchased. It didn’t much matter if it was Italian parsley, or Mexican Cilantro, or Dill. For some reason all herbs seemed to be largely devoid of aroma. And I should be a good judge of this as I was once a registered herb farmer. I thought perhaps this was due to the winter, or to extended time in transport, or poor product, or some other reason. I suspect the true reason has something to do with me.
I have noticed something similar elsewhere in the house. There is the occasional strange whiff from the kitchen garbage pail that I never noticed before, a rich mix of scents in the bathroom, another bouquet of odours in the bedroom. All of this is comparatively new. It predates the exercise routine but I believe the increased exercise has helped sharpen my senses in some way.
I have also noted a heightened sense of frustration. I continue to make mistakes with increased frequency and I have been very irritated with myself over these recurring performance deficits. I have blamed myself for backsliding, for not paying enough attention, or for failing to exert adequate effort. I have also sensed a fall off in the quality of blog posts.
Today, I searched the blog on another research endeavour and found a possible answer. A post from February 16th, 2014, seeks to justify spending most of the day preparing a single blog entry. An entire day to write 500 words! When I read this, I realized that I am now able to churn out a blog post in a matter of hours, not days. In fact, my newly developed speed is likely related to the poor quality of the posts. I am able to complete the task more quickly, but the drawback is a fall off in quality.
This is noticed elsewhere as well. I suspect that my sense of increased frustration at my forgetfulness, and my ongoing performance deficits, may be due to the fact that I am attempting to do more, that I am attempting tasks of greater complexity. The result is that I experience more frequent failure as a result of my present incapacity to operate in this more challenging mode.
This sounds like a negative. I suspect it is a positive sign. It indicates I am slowly beginning to grapple with a more complex sequence of tasks. As I extend out from my comfort zone, I encounter increased difficulty due to the fact I presently lack task mastery at this higher performance standard. But the fact I am challenging myself with tasks of increased difficulty and complexity is a very positive sign.
I also have a sense of being more feisty. This morning I felt a burst of anger toward Dr L and toward the health care system in Québec. This too is relatively new. It was this anger that drove me out of the house for a brisk march around the five mile circuit that I have now mapped out.
Phone Duffus
After upgrading my cell phone, I have been having lots of problems with re-learning. Everything has changed. I have become a phone duffus.
There is a distinct demarcation between areas of competence and incompetence. When I venture outside established routine, it is like slamming into a brick wall. I experience difficulty, have an increased level of frustration, feel completely incompetent. This is my variant of operant conditioning. I exit my comfort zone, end up hitting my own nose with a big stick, and beat a quick retreat back into familiar cognitive territory.
The skills demonstrating the best retention are those skills I have been engaged in the longest. I remain very capable in the application of logic. The difficulty comes in converting my entire life into a series of syllogisms. This is very difficult to do. I stay awake at night as I make repeated attempts to achieve this goal.
I appear to perform well when cooking and feeding myself. A basic food routine has been established. This derives from the fact of a limited budget. Regardless, it works. I also do well when it comes to kitchen upkeep (the fridge needs a cleaning). The sink is kept clear and I think I am OK in this department.
Word smithing and photography also appear to be OK. I have been doing photography since I was 10 (?), perhaps earlier, so that is a well ingrained skill.
Dealing with the new phone has been a bit of a shock. I expected to find the same feature set as on the old phone but with the advantage of a bigger screen area and stylus input. The underlying OS has changed significantly and this was not anticipated.
The outcome leaves me with a sense of total incompetence, embarrassed, perplexed, uncertain, distrustful of my own perceptions.
When I try and push through and achieve mastery, I simply encounter an increased level of frustration and a sense of the impossibility of what I am trying to achieve. And all that I seek to achieve is a return to my state before the injury.