Yesterday, I saw Dr D. It was a very positive meeting and I am trying very hard to maintain a confident outlook and momentum. What follows is my self-assessment of events of the last six months, and the manner in which these events contributed to my present status.

Starting in the New Year, I made a concerted effort at self-rehabilitation. This involved working hard on the blog, and exerting discipline to maintain a regular schedule of posts. This activity gave me insight into my behaviours and deficits. The blog activity was coupled with a second initiative which involved constant mindfulness practice, an ongoing exercise in self awareness. A feedback loop developed between the mindfulness initiative and the blog posts. Each activity reinforced and extended the other. I believe I developed a heightened sense of self-awareness from this activity. This is strange to say but I will say it anyway. I became more visible to myself.

At the same time, I commenced on-line technical coursework. This was an attempt to upgrade, or recover, my prior tech skills. Since blogging has contributed to slow, but evident, improvement, I sought to emulate this change through a disciplined program of learning. I also scheduled time to address my domestic environment. This has been neglected due to the amount of time I was forced to devote to writing appeal letters. My poor standard of housekeeping is a consequence of the time spent writing submissions, in blog work, and in my learning activity. It takes a considerable amount of time to prepare each post. More time is spent in post revision and in polishing. And even more time is devoted to blog maintenance routines. And additional time is required to advance my skills.

This concerted activity left me feeling productive. A major milestone was achieved when I completed the 100th blog post. I was accomplishing something, I believed I was able to detect some improvement. I was of the belief that if I continued to apply myself, I might regain my former skill levels.

This disciplined approach was torpedoed when Dr L delivered his non-results. I quickly entered another tailspin. During this down period, I lost all my momentum and motivation. This period of depression continued until the middle of last week when I began to fight to pull myself together. Seeing Dr D gave me a big boost. I am now in a much more optimistic frame of mind. I want to build on this foundation and continue to make progress.