Yesterday, I did a very stupid thing. I arrived home with a bag of groceries which included perishables such as milk. I put the bag down, and went to get out of my street clothes. One thing led to another, and an hour later I rediscovered the groceries.
In May of this year, I had an experience of stomach cramps in regard to my meeting with Dr D. I assumed that this cramping, and associated signs, were due to eating a foodstuff that was “off.” Since then I have had other experiences of similar cramping.
Dr D has confirmed that it is possible for a person to experience physiologic signs of stress without experiencing psychological sense of stress. She had a name for this phenomenon which I do not now remember. There have been times when I have reviewed my financial situation with utter equanimity when a rational assessment should result in a strong stress response. I have no observed stress response.
What I think is happening is that some neurological stress circuit is attempting to restart. The problem is that it is not fully functional in some way and only operates irregularly. I know this doesn’t make any sense but it is the only explanation I can come up with.
When I made the post prior to this one, I also realized that: A) it had been a long time since I communicated with Colin; and B) that I had allowed an unintended major gap between posts. There appears to be a disconnect between my remembered sense of time, and the actual passage of time. I assume that an event took place within the past two or three days, or within the past week, but then discover the interval has been considerably longer.
I also realize the value of the blog in forcing me to investigate, and gain an awareness of, my various foibles and deficits. The blog activity results in a forced mindfulness. Or perhaps it is the other way around. When I engage in a conscious effort to monitor and record my behaviour, this results in insights which then form the basis of blog posts.
When I fail to engage in this self-monitoring, I cease to generate source material for blog posts. Because I am paying less attention to my behaviours, I also fail to correctly note the passage of time.