In the middle of the journey of our life, I found myself astray in a dark wood where the straight road had been lost.
This passage from the Inferno Canto is a good summary of my present state.
I feel not so much a sense of being lost. It is more a sense of despair, the loss of any further will to fight.
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This has been a very up and down month. A key positive factor is that events which would previously have triggered a major depressive event did not have this effect. Either I am better able to manage depressive triggers, or there has been some degree of stabilization in brain neurotransmitters that have resulted in this positive outcome. Walking an average of 9 miles a day likely helped.
I saw Dr. D yesterday and discussed the problems with TAQ document creation. She offered a number of great insights and confirmed some of my interpretation of events. I am listing these from memory and my recollection is bound to be wildly imperfect, but I believe we discussed the following issues. When combined, all of these form a wall of psychological resistance I have difficulty overcoming.